It’s getting really real–and definitely feels different

5 years ago, it felt a bit different.

You go through this whole thing the first time and I don’t think you really know what to expect. You don’t know what it feels like to be a parent, you don’t understand or comprehend the love that a parent has for a kid, and you wonder if you’ll even be very good at it.

It’s different this time around. I’m not feeling nervous at all right now, and really, I’m freaking excited. I’m really excited to meet my daughter. I’m excited to see her face, to hold her, and to be her dad. Don’t get me wrong, parenting is no breeze, but I think a lot of fears are dispelled when you just see your kid for the first time because there’s a very natural need to want to take care of them.

I always pictured myself as a father to a daughter. I have no idea why. It just always seemed like I would have a daughter. And I’m really excited to do this over again, but with a girl. And I hope that doesn’t come across as not wanting another son, because all I ever want is a healthy child and I would have been immensely happy to be the dad to another boy, but I’m also really looking forward to being able to experience both sides growing up. I’ll also admit that the learning curve is quite a bit steeper this time. I was a little boy once, so I know what little boys act like and what they think about. I’ve lived with two women my entire life–my mom and my wife, so there’s quite a bit of learning yet to do, and I imagine the bulk of that will be on-the-job.

I think a lot of excitement stems from my son. He’s so excited to be a big brother and some kids, I feel, are just meant to be big brothers. He is one of them. I love seeing his excitement build and talk about all the things he’s going to do for her. I remember how excited I was to be a big brother.

We’re done after this one–mutual agreement. Two is what we wanted, and we’re looking at having our second child before either of us is 30, which is exactly what we wanted. We’re having a boy and a girl so, in many ways, the family we always wanted together, so I think there’s a bit of looking forward to this as well. I’m happy to start on this journey for the last time and watch our kids grow together.

After this week will begin the process of visiting the OB every two weeks, before visiting every week starting in May. And she’s due at the very beginning of June.

I’m really excited to meet this little girl.

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